I have found myself getting SO excited this week!  I have my first baby shower next Saturday and I just cannot wait!  I went in Babies R Us today and just gushed the whole time.  I wish I could go in and spend about $200 on stuff… but I’ll wait until after the showers.  I’ll still probably have to spend some money on stuff, so I might as well wait to spend it on the stuff I need.

Well, Ellie has turned head down now.  She is in the position!  The doctor said that even though stranger things have happened, usually the baby stays that way once they’re turned.  Also, I got pictures of her beautiful face ( or at least I think it’s beautiful? LOL) and they are so cute.  The doc increased my medication a little, but it seems to be helping.  Since I ate a chocolate chip cookie at lunch, we’ll have to wait and see!

I was talking with a friend at lunch who is also pregnant- she’s due in June.  She and her husband tried for a long time to have a baby and now she’s got a little miracle growing inside of her!!  We were talking about faith and how most of us think we have a lot more faith than we actually do.  Can you relate?  I always thought I had a lot of faith- and I did, just more for other people than for myself.  I realized that I didn’t have as much as I thought I did when I gave birth to Abby.  Through that entire time, it seemed I didn’t have a whole lot of faith; I basically begged God in fear to help me and to intervene.  But even if we’re not faith GIANTS, if we are at least clinging to God, does that constitute having faith?  I guess it does- at least we have faith that if we ask enough, God may answer.  And what about the outcome?  That’s when the real faith comes in.  This is where I believe the rubber hits the road regarding faith.  Either you believe God or you don’t.  Had Abby lived, would it have increased my faith?  Certainly!!!  But she died.  And it increased my faith!  It helped me to remember that God is God, no matter what I think should or should not happen here on this Earth.  And in trusting God and allowing my faith to work through this time, my love and acceptance of my particular situation increased that faith.  I totally believe that God allowed us to go through the birth and death of our precious baby girl so that we would lean on Him more than ever. 

Days are still hard.  Sometimes I still cry.  But I totally trust God in knowing that He did what was right- right for me, right for Josh, right for Abby, right for our church, right for the world.  It was right.  Because God is perfect and He makes no mistakes.  He had the power to change the situation either way, and whatever the outcome was, God is sovereign.  

Anyway, I read a scripture on someone else’s blog today.  I’ve read it many times and even know part of it by memory, and still it made me pump my fists and say in my heart, “hallelujah!”

James 1:2-6, 12

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Praise God!!!!!!!!