24.5… with a sidenote.

We’ll start with the usual.  I’m still doing great!  The baby is still kicking me into regular bathroom trips each hour and everyday I think they get a little swifter!  I went and registered yesterday, or started to at least.  Babies R Us simply has SO MUCH STUFF in it that I only completed a round of half the store.  The other half will have to come this weekend when Josh can go with me and help me pick out some big stuff- like a crib…  Thanks to my friend Caroline who went with me yesterday- I wouldn’t have known half the stuff I needed without her!

And now the sidenote… Actually, the previous paragraph was more the sidenote than anything because I wanted to write a little about the New Year.  And it will make up most of the composition of this post since there’s no real news to report on the other.

Happy New Year!  These three words mean a lot more to me this year than they did last year.  I was watching Good Morning America last week and they did a little special thing where they had people video tape their “Three Words” and they set it to music.  So many people had such diverse things to say:  “I graduated college!” and “It was cancer…” and “She said yes!” were some of the ones that stand out.  As I sat there watching, I tried to think of the three words I would choose.  I might choose, “I Love You.”  Or even, “I miss her.”  Then Saturday night, I woke in the middle of the night with a broken record ringing in my head that said, “The Lord Giveth.”  Most of us know the second part to this phrase… “And the Lord taketh away.”  I had the hardest time going back to sleep!  Those three word just kept ringing in my head until Sunday morning when I was in the shower.  During that time, I put the second part with it and for the next hour, I was repeating in my head, “The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.”

Have you ever had a horrible song stuck in your head and you only know 2 lines to it?  That’s how I felt.  “The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.”

I felt myself becoming irritated with the CD skipping in my head and even finding myself a little depressed at the scripture.  The second part is a downer!  We don’t ever want things taken away from us.  Finally, Josh and I were driving to church and I was zoned out, thinking of the service ahead of us when in my head I heard it again: “The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.”  Immediately, I said, “WHAT AM I MISSING?”

Quietly, I heard the Lord speak to me in a way that was so gentle.  He said, “What’s the third part?”  And I knew it in my spirit.  “Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

I’m not a spooky, hyper-spiritual person that hears God speak on a daily basis.  I know people like that and frankly, God usually doesn’t speak to me.  If he talked to me half as much as he talked to some other people I know, I think I’d honestly have my crap together a lot better than I do right now.  At this moment, however, I knew that God spoke to me to quiet my spirit and prepare me for 2008. 

Saying goodbye to 2007 and hello to 2008 had a lot more bearing on me this year than any other.  Letting go of a year that has been so full of emotion, you would think, would be a welcome sight.  Instead, having to let go is something that I didn’t want to do.  It was almost the equivalent of “wallowing,” except it wasn’t self-pity that I’ve been wallowing in as much as it was just living in the entire experience.  Over and over again, replaying scenes in my head, asking the “what if’s.”  It is impossible to move on without letting go.

Sometimes I feel guilty moving on.  Standing at Abby’s’ grave on Christmas Eve and feeling Ellie kicking like a mad woman in my belly is a prime example.  It may sound silly to you, but I almost felt ashamed standing there with my big belly poking out.  And I know there’s nothing to be ashamed of… it’s just how I felt.  Picking out a stroller and baby bedding yesterday was so hard!  I kept thinking of what I wanted for Abby and that I didn’t want the same things this time- like it was some hard, fast rule.

Yet, in 2008, I will finally welcome our daughter into this world and the family that Josh and I have longed for will begin.  It’s been a long time coming.

I guess what this whole lesson for me meant was that, haha… “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.”  When joy comes, Blessed be the name of the Lord.  When sorrow comes, Blessed be the name of the Lord.  When life is just smooth sailing, Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Always be full of joy in the Lord.  I say it again- rejoice!  Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.  Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.  Phil. 4:4-7

So… Goodbye 2007.  I’ll never forget you, but I won’t live in the 2007 experience anymore.  Abby, I’ll never forget you and I’ll never stop missing you.

And Happy New Year.